Breaking up
So why is it breaking up on line is so tough?
Is it because you get so close? because you are used to spending all that free time together? is it because your addicted to sex, and need it? rofl sorry, thats not me, but i had to say it anyways. Or is it all ego and pride? Or rather, is it all these things and more combined?
If you read there4all this week, you see i broke up with someone earlier this month and honestly i didn't want to.. I just didn't see any other options except maybe a nice little love triangle. maybe i'm just too selfish. i did always get that message on my work reviews, "does not play well with others".
I really don't mind sharing a love, as long as i knew i got a certain amount of time and we were totally honest and up front about everything. like i was with flynn. gosh, now thats an on line relationship, i sorely miss. i knew i would see him every Saturday night pretty much without fail. I played a mistress quite well, lol Although come to think of it, i pretty much hated that after a year too. lolol
I guess the whole thing makes me feel like a fool. after all, i'm not the only one that saw it. god, just because they are confused and don't want to say they are dating on line .. doesn't make it easier.. no it makes it harder. i know in my heart it's alot like when he broke up with his last gf. i was just a friend to him thats all. in fact i refused to kiss him or do any thing not approperiate, because in my mind, he was dating someone else, even though he was breaking up with her. He just seemed to need a freind to talk to. But this time, i didn't get that kind of nice, neat ending. i just got to witness him slip away, seeing me less and less, not wanting to do the same things any more, not even IMing me to just to say Hi! or maybe just get a g'night in IM.
then it just happened... I was trying to figure out what i felt like doing, i was taking care of ccr, and i was talking to him in IM and i was trying to get him to say " lets do this". i was trying to get him to start the rally with me. Finally i gave up, i thought he was at a race track racing like he always seemed to be doing. come to find out, omg, he was planning on starting the rally with "her", his new racing buddy. geesh.. so ok, now that bullshit with both them saying, "i don't do that", "i don't play that way" "no drama" is so much crap. just like her always saying, she can't understand why women didn't like her? afterall, she's married, she doesn't need a there bf. well, lots of ppl are married and having there bf's LOLOL me included. i don't need one either, but i had one, and i loved him in my own way. and then there was him, going on and on about how there was nothing between them because her hubbys in game soooo what was i supposed to think?
all of sudden the tables turn, they are the couple and i'm the outsider looking in.
* gosh i started this so long ago, and was never going to publish it.. sometimes things just happen, feelings evolve, where you think they shouldn't, but no sense denying yourself from truth, just try not to hurt ppl along the way. but sometimes it just can't be helped.
***
UPDATE: that guy and girl I mentioned in the end, wend on to divorce their respective spouses, marry each other and now have a child together. they are very happy in Real Life now!
Is it because you get so close? because you are used to spending all that free time together? is it because your addicted to sex, and need it? rofl sorry, thats not me, but i had to say it anyways. Or is it all ego and pride? Or rather, is it all these things and more combined?
If you read there4all this week, you see i broke up with someone earlier this month and honestly i didn't want to.. I just didn't see any other options except maybe a nice little love triangle. maybe i'm just too selfish. i did always get that message on my work reviews, "does not play well with others".
I really don't mind sharing a love, as long as i knew i got a certain amount of time and we were totally honest and up front about everything. like i was with flynn. gosh, now thats an on line relationship, i sorely miss. i knew i would see him every Saturday night pretty much without fail. I played a mistress quite well, lol Although come to think of it, i pretty much hated that after a year too. lolol
I guess the whole thing makes me feel like a fool. after all, i'm not the only one that saw it. god, just because they are confused and don't want to say they are dating on line .. doesn't make it easier.. no it makes it harder. i know in my heart it's alot like when he broke up with his last gf. i was just a friend to him thats all. in fact i refused to kiss him or do any thing not approperiate, because in my mind, he was dating someone else, even though he was breaking up with her. He just seemed to need a freind to talk to. But this time, i didn't get that kind of nice, neat ending. i just got to witness him slip away, seeing me less and less, not wanting to do the same things any more, not even IMing me to just to say Hi! or maybe just get a g'night in IM.
then it just happened... I was trying to figure out what i felt like doing, i was taking care of ccr, and i was talking to him in IM and i was trying to get him to say " lets do this". i was trying to get him to start the rally with me. Finally i gave up, i thought he was at a race track racing like he always seemed to be doing. come to find out, omg, he was planning on starting the rally with "her", his new racing buddy. geesh.. so ok, now that bullshit with both them saying, "i don't do that", "i don't play that way" "no drama" is so much crap. just like her always saying, she can't understand why women didn't like her? afterall, she's married, she doesn't need a there bf. well, lots of ppl are married and having there bf's LOLOL me included. i don't need one either, but i had one, and i loved him in my own way. and then there was him, going on and on about how there was nothing between them because her hubbys in game soooo what was i supposed to think?
all of sudden the tables turn, they are the couple and i'm the outsider looking in.
* gosh i started this so long ago, and was never going to publish it.. sometimes things just happen, feelings evolve, where you think they shouldn't, but no sense denying yourself from truth, just try not to hurt ppl along the way. but sometimes it just can't be helped.
***
UPDATE: that guy and girl I mentioned in the end, wend on to divorce their respective spouses, marry each other and now have a child together. they are very happy in Real Life now!
posted by Emma Jean at 7:43 AM
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